I thought growing up was gonna change things… change my thoughts, my feelings, and my idea’s etc. I did change a lot if I look back to myself a couple of years ago, I wouldn’t want to change back to that. I lied a lot, I played a lot of games with people, Tried gaining dominance by outcallings, gave myself a bigger name. That’s the perspective I looked to myself THEN. How I look at myself NOW from back THEN, I see an insecure little boy trying to get attention, downgrading minals to the ground. I think i deserve to be not wanted around, to be ignored, and avoided. But no, because everything I did back then, is now happening to me. I’m getting downgraded, I’m the minal, I’m the one they got dominance over. Because I want to be a better person. But if people keep criticising, ignoring me, pretending to be my friends, pretending to help me but instead just mock me and try to get me down, I don’t really think I should become a better person. I’ve tried so many times, to be nice to others, get some friends, make others feel better about themselves, but I always tend to get fucked over. I became so distant, that I don’t even know how to approach people anymore. Because so many people have become so toxic, and so negative. I am not being avoided, I am the one avoiding people. Rather alone than badly surrounded.
Yet I would still keep trying to be good, I would always forgive, and help others out. but not if I get downgraded by some minimal posers trying to make themselves feel better by simply downgrading the ones who do good. I compliment someone, I get mocked. I try to make someone feel better because they feel like shit, I get pushed away. I try to put a smile on someones face, I get fuck all. Some mutual respect would be nice. Is that so fucking hard to give? I say hello to someone I barely get any hello back. There doesn’t always have to be a reason to say something nice, or have some respect. I sencerely hope the world gets back to the ones who ruin it. I think I described what I wanted to share. But then again, ain’t nobody got time fo reading dat shit! that’s also something nobody does anymore, making time for others! I described what I had to. And if you can’t deal with it, it might mean that you are concerned and can’t deal with a truth being said.
You can be who you want to be, why would you be negative and spread hate if you can spread love. You won’t get love back for spreading hate.
That’s all i had to say.
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